A Change of Heart
It's late and it's finally my turn on the computer, so in the interest of functioning tomorrow, I'll stop fretting about whether I'm doing this correctly and just press on.
Growing up in a Christian home, I was one who firmly believed in what Steve described as "convinced...that someone else will fulfill (the Great Commission)". As an adult my view of missions matured along the way, but I still felt I lacked a passion for the lost. God moved to change that this past January. My experience is best summed up in a journal entry written January 18, 2006. I was kind of "thinking out loud" resulting in a bit of rambling, so I've done some cutting and apologize if it runs long. Most of you are familiar with the Thailand particulars (you can skim), but I'll leave them in for the benefit of those who are not.
Today was a day to remember, a day that changed my worldview. I have asked the Lord on occasion, to help me to see through His eyes, to feel with His heart. Today was the appointed time.
A few weeks ago Andy and Steve traveled to Thailand to observe a few ministries there that cater particularly to high risk children. High risk in that they are very susceptible to being tricked or sold into the thriving sex trade there. The problem is enormous. 20% of Thailand’s gross national product is from the sex trade. Due to either ignorance, poverty or a combination of both, literally millions of children fall prey to this industry.
The two men came back altered. You could sense it in Andy’s email sent while still in Thailand. You can see it now that they have returned. Not in their physical appearance, in the way someone comes back from a trip with a good tan and the need of a haircut or a shave. There is something in their countenances. It’s as if something so dramatic has happen within their souls, it exudes to the outside, and can not be contained.
Today they presented a first glimpse of their adventure to the students at Westside Christian High School. I don’t think I have ever seen 300 teenagers so riveted, at least not at Westside chapels. If there was any whispering or diversions, they were not to be seen as Andy and Steve first presented a DVD recording of the different orphanages they visited. The video told stories of children ruined, but then in turn stories of hope, of children who were rescued from the hideous abyss that awaited them. They are loved, cared for and given an education, as Jesus is displayed to them by their caretakers.
Andy and Steve shared their thoughts and impressions.
Throughout the day as I reflected on what was shared, my values changed. All the things that I often wondered if I could justify the expense for instantly lost significance. My diamond ring, my pure bred dog, even the cosmetic surgery I never seriously figured I could justify anyway, could not compare with the thought that I could support a ministry that saves children, that by sacrificing some of the comforts of life, one more child might be rescued. Instantly so many things paled in comparison. And it was in this that I realized something about surrender. Even when I think I am surrendered to God, the majority of my choices are made without Him. If my choices boil down to fulfilling my wants versus using my money to curb abuses against children, I had better think twice. I had better consult God for His wisdom and to know that I have His blessing in any decision I make.
As I drove to run errands following work, I continued to think of the sweet faces that were presented in chapel, beautiful, happy children, and how many more are lost. Something Steve had said came back to me. As my heart went out to these children I heard him say, “You know, it’s not about the poverty, it’s not about the evil, it’s not about prostitution. It’s all about Jesus.” Suddenly, while my heart broke for the children, I realized God’s heart breaks for mankind. The plight of these children appears to me to be one of the deepest, darkest evils to inhabit the earth. But haven’t I been told that all sin is the same in God’s eyes? We see the evil of child abuse because its wake is so visible and so ugly. But with His eyes, God sees all evil, in a bar, in a brothel, in our homes, in our hearts, and in our minds. We see children being enslaved, and our hearts break. He sees a world enslaved to sin and darkness, and His heart breaks. I wondered, while feeling so much unrest toward the torture of children in this life, shouldn’t I at least be as concerned for the all the lost that will experience the torture of eternity without Jesus?
Andy and Steve presented their own slide show as well. As we viewed pictures of the two of them embracing moments with other team members as well as the children they were privileged to spend time with, Switchfoot’s song “Twenty-Four” played…
Life is not what I thought it was
twenty-four hours ago.
still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You.
And I’m not who I thought I was
twenty-four hours ago
still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with you.
Twenty-four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses, still twenty-four strong.
But see I’m not copping out
When you’re raising the dead in me.
I want to see miracles
To see the world change
I wrestled the angel
For more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
Singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You’re raising the dead in me
Was there a dry eye in the gym, okay maybe most of the kids contained themselves, but it would seem that several boxes of tissue would have been in order for those of us that were so deeply moved. With great restraint I kept myself from sobbing.
...In closing, Andy asked everyone to be in prayer in the next two weeks, as to what, if any, role we as a school will be playing in this ministry. In an earlier meeting with the staff, it was shared that a man who runs one of the orphanages, spends two hours a day, to focus and listen to the Lord. He rises about 4:30 every morning. He sees it as a priority due to the battle he is engaged in. What a wise man.
...Some time ago, last Spring or Summer, God began to reveal to me that I should pursue beauty and order, which I initially took to mean beauty and order within my home. ...these orphanages I had viewed today, were creating beauty and order in the lives of children who otherwise might never know the two. Is that the kind of beauty and order God wants me to pursue?
I used to think that missions was something somebody else did. Now I recognize that it is something I will strive to do everyday, whether near or far, offering the beauty and order found only in Jesus Christ to a world in desperate need of Him.
Growing up in a Christian home, I was one who firmly believed in what Steve described as "convinced...that someone else will fulfill (the Great Commission)". As an adult my view of missions matured along the way, but I still felt I lacked a passion for the lost. God moved to change that this past January. My experience is best summed up in a journal entry written January 18, 2006. I was kind of "thinking out loud" resulting in a bit of rambling, so I've done some cutting and apologize if it runs long. Most of you are familiar with the Thailand particulars (you can skim), but I'll leave them in for the benefit of those who are not.
Today was a day to remember, a day that changed my worldview. I have asked the Lord on occasion, to help me to see through His eyes, to feel with His heart. Today was the appointed time.
A few weeks ago Andy and Steve traveled to Thailand to observe a few ministries there that cater particularly to high risk children. High risk in that they are very susceptible to being tricked or sold into the thriving sex trade there. The problem is enormous. 20% of Thailand’s gross national product is from the sex trade. Due to either ignorance, poverty or a combination of both, literally millions of children fall prey to this industry.
The two men came back altered. You could sense it in Andy’s email sent while still in Thailand. You can see it now that they have returned. Not in their physical appearance, in the way someone comes back from a trip with a good tan and the need of a haircut or a shave. There is something in their countenances. It’s as if something so dramatic has happen within their souls, it exudes to the outside, and can not be contained.
Today they presented a first glimpse of their adventure to the students at Westside Christian High School. I don’t think I have ever seen 300 teenagers so riveted, at least not at Westside chapels. If there was any whispering or diversions, they were not to be seen as Andy and Steve first presented a DVD recording of the different orphanages they visited. The video told stories of children ruined, but then in turn stories of hope, of children who were rescued from the hideous abyss that awaited them. They are loved, cared for and given an education, as Jesus is displayed to them by their caretakers.
Andy and Steve shared their thoughts and impressions.
Throughout the day as I reflected on what was shared, my values changed. All the things that I often wondered if I could justify the expense for instantly lost significance. My diamond ring, my pure bred dog, even the cosmetic surgery I never seriously figured I could justify anyway, could not compare with the thought that I could support a ministry that saves children, that by sacrificing some of the comforts of life, one more child might be rescued. Instantly so many things paled in comparison. And it was in this that I realized something about surrender. Even when I think I am surrendered to God, the majority of my choices are made without Him. If my choices boil down to fulfilling my wants versus using my money to curb abuses against children, I had better think twice. I had better consult God for His wisdom and to know that I have His blessing in any decision I make.
As I drove to run errands following work, I continued to think of the sweet faces that were presented in chapel, beautiful, happy children, and how many more are lost. Something Steve had said came back to me. As my heart went out to these children I heard him say, “You know, it’s not about the poverty, it’s not about the evil, it’s not about prostitution. It’s all about Jesus.” Suddenly, while my heart broke for the children, I realized God’s heart breaks for mankind. The plight of these children appears to me to be one of the deepest, darkest evils to inhabit the earth. But haven’t I been told that all sin is the same in God’s eyes? We see the evil of child abuse because its wake is so visible and so ugly. But with His eyes, God sees all evil, in a bar, in a brothel, in our homes, in our hearts, and in our minds. We see children being enslaved, and our hearts break. He sees a world enslaved to sin and darkness, and His heart breaks. I wondered, while feeling so much unrest toward the torture of children in this life, shouldn’t I at least be as concerned for the all the lost that will experience the torture of eternity without Jesus?
Andy and Steve presented their own slide show as well. As we viewed pictures of the two of them embracing moments with other team members as well as the children they were privileged to spend time with, Switchfoot’s song “Twenty-Four” played…
Life is not what I thought it was
twenty-four hours ago.
still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You.
And I’m not who I thought I was
twenty-four hours ago
still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with you.
Twenty-four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses, still twenty-four strong.
But see I’m not copping out
When you’re raising the dead in me.
I want to see miracles
To see the world change
I wrestled the angel
For more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
Singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You’re raising the dead in me
Was there a dry eye in the gym, okay maybe most of the kids contained themselves, but it would seem that several boxes of tissue would have been in order for those of us that were so deeply moved. With great restraint I kept myself from sobbing.
...In closing, Andy asked everyone to be in prayer in the next two weeks, as to what, if any, role we as a school will be playing in this ministry. In an earlier meeting with the staff, it was shared that a man who runs one of the orphanages, spends two hours a day, to focus and listen to the Lord. He rises about 4:30 every morning. He sees it as a priority due to the battle he is engaged in. What a wise man.
...Some time ago, last Spring or Summer, God began to reveal to me that I should pursue beauty and order, which I initially took to mean beauty and order within my home. ...these orphanages I had viewed today, were creating beauty and order in the lives of children who otherwise might never know the two. Is that the kind of beauty and order God wants me to pursue?
I used to think that missions was something somebody else did. Now I recognize that it is something I will strive to do everyday, whether near or far, offering the beauty and order found only in Jesus Christ to a world in desperate need of Him.
posted by Jan at 11:53 PM
2 Comments:
"I used to think that missions was something somebody else did. Now I recognize that it is something I will strive to do everyday, whether near or far, offering the beauty and order found only in Jesus Christ to a world in desperate need of Him."
Beauty and order found only in Jesus...what a great frame for mission. It is all about Jesus. I too recognize the need to strive today, here as well as tomorrow, abroad.
Jan, thank you for opening a window to your heart. God is so amazing, the way he works in our hearts. I think you would like the other song Andy and Steve set some pictures to for other presentations. It's by Sara Groves and it's called "Add to the Beauty." Ask Andy at work if you can listen to it on his ipod.
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